So recently we had an issue with a family member (not my relation, wink-wink) who frequents our house the issue deep down is me taking things too personally, BUT this person wouldn’t quit. As I went about my daily parenting activities, the person we will call Sally would offer comments on each and every thing I did I was inundated with the following comments about my 2.5 mo/old:
- How do you know the baby is eating enough if you are nursing?
- Have you thought of giving the baby formula, or sugar water?
- Babies just cry, you are spoiling the baby
- Attachment parenting sounds like a trend to me
- Put the baby down already
- I started my kids on food at 6 weeks, you should too
- Why aren’t you putting the baby in the crib
- that carrier is silly, you should let the baby just lay down and cry, it is good for them
- Co-sleepers will spoil the baby
- Organic food is just a ploy to get you to spend more, look at my family, we are fine.
Just so you know I don’t preach about the above mentioned stuff, they ask me questions and I answer them simply. This visit they were flipping through my favorite baby book.
I am listening to all this and grinding my teeth, I actually didn’t respond to any of these comments. I am usually a Pollyanna about things, I don’t always achieve it, but I do believe in the Power of Positive Thinking. I have witnessed the effects of having a negative mindset and a positive one, and the latter is much more appealing. During this hailstorm of negative comments the baby was crying, a lot which only made the comments more annoying.
Then Sally’s daughter said, You know what, crack heads have babies and they survive. I looked up at her and just stared at her in disbelief. I wanted to yell: Well sorry we have higher standards than crack-heads thank you very much! What the heck kind of comment is that? The staring made her really uncomfortable
I don’t do this, even when someone is doing something that goes against my beliefs I shut my mouth. So I am still steaming about it a week later.
My confidence wasn’t really shaken when this happened, as much as other times like when I was scolded in public for not covering the baby’s hands with mittens to avoid people passing germs, since people love touching baby hands, when that happened I burst into tears and felt like the worst Momma out there, I have pangs of Momma guilt about a lot of things….
So what do you think, how should I have handled this? What would you do? Have you dealt with similar stuff?
If it is a question (well intentioned or not!), I answer it and back it up with research when I can. Or if I can’t, I just say “because that is the approach we prefer….pass the bean dip” (http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppbreastfeed/?msg=69364.2).
I’m lucky to have rarely had people tell me what to do, but if they ever did, they would get an earful if it is someone that I have to see regularly. If it is a stranger, I smile, nod and ignore.
Thanks for your input!!
I’m big on saying something simple like “This works for us.” With someone like my mother in-law, who is luckily not too vocal with her opinions, I’ll often share some backup info…. but this woman still believes colds are because your feet get cold and doesn’t understand the genetics of gender selection so even though we don’t see eye to eye I know sometimes it’s because she just doesn’t know better, and doesn’t care to try to know better (if that makes sense).
My grandmother, who IS very vocal with her opinions, has been much more openminded, much to my relief. When I started having babies and breastfeeding and breastfeeding past a year, she started paying attention to newspaper articles about birthing and baby nutrition and breastfeeding and she says awesome things to me like “Your kids are so beautiful and healthy because you give them the best nutrition! It’s so great that you breastfeed!”
And then with people who I don’t know and/or don’t know me… I just smile and nod. I just assume they’re ignorant.